Relationships: Holy hell are they difficult complex and downright messy! But why is it we always find ourselves trapped inside their never ending webs of confinement? Why waste your time at all building REAL relationships with people when life is so much more simple without their added complexities?
I know for myself, I have had many relationships throughout my life; some lasting, while others only survive long enough to catch the final credits rolling at the end of the movie. I figured that if I kept all relationships in my control then I would never have to become vulnerable. Better yet, I would never have to face the one most dreaded feeling of all mankind...rejection.
Strategically, rejection can only be felt if you 'put yourself out there' (good thing I am an expert strategist). I am not saying these methods of playing dodgeball with heartfelt emotions won me any awards, but at very least it kept me in the game longer (or at least without injury).
It wasn't until I was faced with an unthinkable choice to move back to my hometown and pursue my business full time where I began running out of fuel in this neverending game of emotional dodgeball. Somewhere in the past 9 months I began building relationships with people without even realizing I was doing it.
I always loved my friends and family, but I guess I was never really around enough to build actual 'relationships' with them. Now after countless fights (with literally all of them), I am finally beginning to understand the true meaning of love and relationships. And as stated before "holy hell are they difficult!" They cause you to sacrifice, admit you are wrong (ouch that one hurts), go out of your way, laugh out loud, cry in public (man I have become such a sofety lately), talk until your lips go numb, stay up til sunrise, have someone to watch your love to hate girly shows with (its all about Grey's n the Bachelor), drink a lot of wine, sit for hours at your fav coffee shops, have a running partner, have a rock band partner ;) someone who will listen to your life melodrama, someone who will fight on your defense even if your wrong (but then afterwards tell you that you were wrong), someone that you know has your best interest at heart (we all have been blind sided too many times by this crazy curve ball) and most importantly someone who will love you for all of your faults, believe in your strengths and who you can trust with all of your heart.
We have all had our guards up in terms of trust and vulnerability, but how is life ever TRULY felt that way? My walls of defense are finally crumbling down and for once, I am ok with that. For true love is supposedly unconditional, so why waste your time with any relationship if it is not bound by the endless seams of love? What is love if its never felt? What is life if there is no sacrifice? What is faith if there is no risk?
With my oversized helmet and yellow stretchy pants in toe, I still consider myself a solid Dodgeball contender. But instead of always fighting my own battles, I now have a pretty sick team on my side, however crazy difficult they can be, I know they'd take any hit for me (and if thats not love I don't know what is)!